Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in patdogs' LiveJournal:

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Thursday, September 7th, 2006
6:12 pm	A random update for the sake of updating Hey livejournal, whatcha knowin? I've come to see your power flowin! I've been good lately. Haven't been up to a great deal, just kickin round, hanging with my mates, seeing the odd FREAKING AWESOME movie about snakes on a plane. Uni has been fairly good. I met these ultra-cool people, Elyse in particular, that are so much fun to hang with! See, normally, in the past, I never really spent that much time with anybody at uni apart from Vaughn. But Adam and Elyse, and Shae too, they're all really funny and cool! So that makes uni slightly more tolerable. Plus, I can talk to Kat in statistics, and she and robben frigging nailed our group assignment (Pat feels guilty about free marks...) and yeah, it's all just generally quite fun! Even the commute doesn't piss me off! I completed successfully the whole Gosford Council Lifeguard testing day, which was super dooper, and hopefully I will soon be working for the council on delicious sunny days, bringing in heaps of money and just generally loving it! It should make late nights in summer drinking with Mitchdogs and whoever else that much easier, given the copious quantities of alcohol we shall be buying. I'm thinking a lot of camping, particularly at maitland bay, and a lot of big fires on the beach. Maybe. I don't REALLY have much else to report. Everything's just sorta cruisin at the moment, as it tends to do around this time of year. I can't wait to earn enough money to hit up the bank for another loan! Stoked that i'm paying off my credit card at the moment tho! That's about all I've got to say for the time being! There's been nothing scary, dramatic, upsetting or disruptive lately! I'm generally starting to feel really good again! Once I get some cashish in my pocket from lifeguarding, I'll be back to my april/may/june self, a sort of...male Australian version of Nicole Richie. YEah. Right. Anyways! Peace out livejournal! Kitties, Love Pattycakes. Current Mood: good Current Music: Jet - Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 3rd, 2006
11:35 pm	Arq Versus Stonewall and a great night out! So Livejournal, I missed out on the races, and I missed out on the job that I missed out on the races to swim and run for. God dammit. But I had a great night out with my best friend, Mitchdogs. Now, prior to last night, my one experience of Arq was extremely negative, and I didn't like the place at all. And every experience I had at Stonewall had, for the most part, been fantastic! But then came last night! It was incredible! Arq was such a great club! The lights, the space, the atmosphere! The crowd! We kinda swapped between the two for a while, and I suddenly realised what Mitch has been talking about all this time! Stonewall is lovely and all, but it's so dull compared to Arq! And the crowd is a lot...older...and uglier...and less slutty. And slutty is always fun to hang around at clubs! I mean, I cop a lot more of the music I like on level one of stonewall, but Arq has enough that I am satisfied! And it's just so damn exciting! The energy of the club is so strong that you can't not have fun! Creepily, I was bleeding out of my right ear at one point throughout the night, which scared the shit out of me! But Mitch caringly took me outside and checked it out and diagnosed it as "you scratched your ear pat." Thank god. I thought my brain was bleeding. Anyway. Damo had a good night, Connor didn't bail for once, and we met some awesome new characters! And Mitch has some friends for Ourimbah Uni!! I totally have to meet up with Elyse this week and tell her how good Arq is! But now I have the intense stress of two assignments coming up in the next week at uni. Psyc should be easy, I'll just bullshit a report. And stat is a group effort, and it's bloody hard, but I'll just send in my (wrong) answers, and they'll correct and i'll take credit! Meanwhile, must go for my boat licence tomorrow to go for the Gossie lifeguard job on tuesday. Alrighty, that shall satisfy for the time being. You all get what I've been up to lately! Peace. Patdogs. Current Mood: bouncy Current Music: Emma Bunton - What Took You So Long? (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 29th, 2006
12:35 pm	Hello livejournal, how are you? I must admit, I haven't been as happy lately as I used to be. It's not the sort of thing that can really be helped by anybody, but I imagine I've definitely been allowing it to persist and that's kinda crap. But I sense a change on the way. In the air, as it were. Things...will not be immediately fantastic. I'm sure about that, but I am trying to put it all right and get back to where I was around april/may this year. Sucks that it was only that long ago that I was the happiest person around. Anyway. Rowing season has started again. While I don't have a crew, I've been filling in for other crews, and that's happening fairly regularly which is fantastic. I love rowing, and I'm going to miss having a regular crew. But yeah, I'm still in it, and I can still go to carnivals, and now I can drink all season! I'm still searching for more regular hours. Hopefully I will soon have a job as a lifeguard, but if that fails, at the very least my hours at Bi-lo should be increasing again as we come out of the winter slump. Already they've tried to call me in for three shifts in the past week! Finally, I am in the horrendo position of forcing myself to fall out of love. It's a screwed up world that we live in where that should be the case, but I'm not the only person who has had to do it, even amongst people I know! I'm doing okay, but these things kinda take time, I guess (I'm not really and expert, and it's not as easy to compartmentalise as I thought). My best bet, I think, is to just not think about it at all. Obviously then, this livejournal entry is a fatal mistake, but I'm going to allow myself to slip up this one last time. The whole situation is so painful and, quite frankly, it's fucked that I should have to go through this when everything was so awesomely comfortable for me. Question then: If I could go back in a time machine and warn myself and change everything, would I? No. Absolutely not. These things aren't permanent, and I'm losing my belief in the magic of the universe, heading back to the old me who was quite rational about life. Not a bad thing necessarily, I was a lot funner because I used to drink all the time, and I was a much better uni student. I need to aim for somewhere in betweeen, a guy who cares a lot about his close friends, but not about anybody else, and more about himself. Mum told me the other day that my greatest weakness is caring too much about other people! I spose there are worse things to be. Anyways. I'm feeling in a goodish place...in that I'm getting on with things and stuff. Well that's about all for today livejournal. I've poured my heart and soul into this post so that I am left an empty consciousness with no heart and no need to care! Soon I'll be drinking cocktails every day and wallowing in the lap of my decadent life! Where's the phone number for the commonwealth bank? I sense another loan coming on! Current Mood: optimistic (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, August 21st, 2006
11:09 pm	Pat just got smarter... Pat, Pat, Pat. You're a genius boy. You saw it all along, you know how to fix all your problems without hurting anyone. So. Time to put your money where your mouth is (metaphorically of course, you have no money). Pat's feeling much better, and he's moving into a better place. We'll see how this game plays out. I like games... Love Patdogs. Current Mood: sore (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 19th, 2006
10:41 pm	The difference between Livejournal and Myspace Ah livejournal, you poor little shmoopikins. I haven't given you the attention I used to. That's not so much symptomatic of my obsession with myspace, but more my lack of having anything interesting to say. I used to be able to ramble at length about absolute crap, but these days, even the crap is dried up. Nothing scintillates like it used to. It's just mundane. I need to spice things up with crazy antics. Well, let me tell you livejournal, the antics are on their way. We approach, soon, Summer, which is my favourite time of year. Obviously we stop by Spring on the way, which is also a bloody fantastic time of year, but I am particularly looking forward to those balmly summer nights, drinking, lying around chatting about life, and imagining what things will be like when I've finished uni and I have a proper career. I aplied for the Lifeguarding job at the Entrance today. I bloody hope I get it, imagine that! Just chilling up at the Entrance every bloody day for the entirety of summer! How fantastic! Everyone could come visit me, chat to me, have lunch with me, and I'd be outdoors! It'd be everything that Bi-lo isn't. But, in addition, when people DO NOT visit me, then I'd be all on my lonesome, which would suck a bit. But, that's the price you pay I guess. I could always chat with the insipid locals. My entries on livejournal are so much different to my entries on myspace. For one, I figure nobody really reads my livejournal, with maybe a couple of exceptions every fortnight or so. But myspace TELLS me how often people read my blog, so I guess I'm aware of the fact that people read it, and I apparently write differently for some reason. Can't imagine what it is that makes it so different. I guess I'm used to livejournals friendliness, whereas myspace feels so cold and formal. So yeah. I write less, and less interesting. And any time I DO write something interesting, myspace cocks up and deletes the bastard! Ok, well that's probably long enough, I don't like to make these TOO long (though I do enjoy from time to time, and I LOVE when other people make big posts), so I shall leave you with this parting phrase: Cellar Door. Kitties! Patdogs Current Mood: amused Current Music: Rogue Traders - Fashion (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, August 13th, 2006
11:19 pm	What is this, like...my fifth month of being gay? Geez. How crazy is this: I had my first same-sex encounters five months ago. I've been "out" for two and a half years. In the past couple of months I have been so bloody saturated in the culture that I used to be so heavily repulsed by, a culture I swore NEVER to become a part of, and I am so bloody happy about it! Clearly, I was born to be SO gay, which is lovely. Not much to report lj. Got shattered at gorgeous Carla's 21st with Mitchdogs last night. Bit too much passionpop for both of us equalled enormous headaches the next morning. Hurt like hell, and poor old Mitch had to take himself off to work like that! Oh. SO excited! We're heading down to Rosehill for the races, along with the rest of the macs boaties and any of the norman family posse we can assemble! Pretty bloody exciting! This time I know a bit more about horses than I ever did, and, thanks as well to the 'dogs, I've discovered my latent appreciation of what I once considered "a beast. An animal that doesn't vote, make decisions." Horses, you see, are like playful little puppy dogs, only larger and more elegant. Fuck i love them! Apparently, however, I am "an idiot" when it comes to dealing with animals! lol! How was I supposed to know how slow to move around Donkeys? Alright, well I'm getting somewhere with my podcast research online, so I must go and focus on that! Peace out homies! Love Patdogs. Current Mood: creative (Comment on this)
Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
11:19 pm	How is Pat going at the moment? I'm great LiveJournal, thanks for asking! Apart from myspace being completely retarded and deleting my blog the second I finish it, and making me start all over again, everything is just fantastic! Uni is great (mainly because I discovered free wireless broadband internet access on campus to distract me from my boring lectures!), work is crap (because I'm not getting any), and I'm having so much fun doing cool things that I never thought I'd do...like feeding horses and soon riding them, and being the go to guy for music (because of MQ being fabulous!) and having gorgeous Carla's party on the weekend! Which reminds me, I should soon write a fantastic speech for that. Ooh! And Mitch will be putting blond through my hair tomorrow or the day after! How exciting! I haven't done that in years! I plan on it being hilarious! So yeah, look out for funky, ULTRA-gay pat, with his cool hair! Lots of love to my adoring readers! Love Pattycakes Current Music: Pink - Who Knew (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 3rd, 2006
10:30 am	The Others Are Coming... Hey livejournal. So tonight is the second last episode of Lost for this season, I'm pretty excited, I love the show so much! I know, sounds really tragic to be talking about TV. But there's not much else happening at the moment! Last night I had a great night out with Mitchdogs and the A-Team sans Damo. It's so expected now that whenever I head out with the A-team, or a bastardisation of such (Mitch and myself plus whoever else...say Adam?) I have the time of my life! I mean, I always enjoyed heading out but it would frequently piss me off. These days, I never have a bad night! I started last night at Avoca Bowlo, having dinner with the extended fam coz it was my cousin brad's 18th birthday. Tried to convince him to come out with us, but his mum wouldn't have a bar of it, given the trial HSC and everything. So yeah, Mitch picks me up around...9ish? We dropped in to Rick's and saw his new dog, Rosco. Stunning, stunning dog! Rick and Kris decided to join us at the beery, we hit up Lord Ashley, bummed around the beery for a while, then decided to head back to Rick's to drink some more. It was just a cruisy, awesome night! Anyway, we'll hopefully be heading out again this weekend. As regards my job interview, I went fairly well. Turns out that they made a silly mistake and I could have done it at Gosford, but oh well. Maybe it makes me look dedicated! SO, now I have to go back for some day of observation thing next thursday, and if I pass that I have the job. It seems so scary and crap though, coz I think it's sales based...so if I don't make enough money I don't get paid. Though that's probably ridiculous. We'll see what happens with that. I'm off for now, got to go and mow the lawn! Peace out, Pattycakes Current Mood: calm (Comment on this)
Tuesday, August 1st, 2006
10:31 pm	Exciting Job Interview! YAY! Tomorrow, sweet livejournal, I go for a Job interview! Tragically, I have to travel to paramatta for an interview for a job that is in Gosford. But that's the price one pays! Exciting though, coz it will be in marketing! A pleasant change! And hopefully a well-paid one! If this vague place starts getting too weird, I'm going to get really reckless and start acting the goat! Then, hopefully, if I behave like I'm off chops enough, they'll make me CEO, because all executives are smackies. Shall update y'all tomorrow! Cheers! Patdogs xo Current Mood: excited (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 31st, 2006
12:04 am	Just stuff Hey Livejournal. I've been updating fairly bloody regularly, so I think I might keep the trend going, even if it is just short and sweet. I've been wearing my new sunnies lots the past few days! Probably because it's finally been sunny. Saturday I hit beautiful Maitland Bay with Mitchdogs, I love that walk SO much! My feet were killing me in the end, but it was awesome! Sort of...strolling towards the sunset along the scenic road! It was cool, very very pretty views. But yeah, so much bloody walking! And then I got to wear them today (I think this thing'll say it's monday, but I mean sunday during the day) when I went for a cruise wit Damo, hitting up Erina Fair for a Boost Juice and Westfield Tuggerah to visit Connor at Cotton On. Man, he has the cruisiest job! And we had a mini-clothes fight! Though we should have headed to Jay Jay's where we can have a real, full-on clothes fight, and the store won't look any different! Anyways, that's all I've got for now! I really oughta head to bed, coz I've got a big day tomorrow! Kitties! Love Patdogs Current Mood: chipper Current Music: The Breeders - Cannonball (Comment on this)
Saturday, July 29th, 2006
10:25 pm	That Bitch That Stole My Stuff. OK everybody, time for a long LiveJournal entry, explaining a few things about my dark past, and what happened in November last year. You see, late last year, my bedroom was robbed. During the day, when I had left my innocent, lovely and gorgeously designed pad unattended while I popped down to work a short four hour shift, a snivelling cowardly thief crept in through my unlocked door and decided to help themself to some of my most valuable possessions. Who would be capable of perpetrating such a crime? At first we were thoroughly perplexed. Well, I lie, most people had a pretty clear idea who it would have been. You see, I don't exactly live on the main road, and you kind of have to know that our house is here and drive with intent to get to it. You just don't stumble across it. So the assumption is that whoever did this knew where I lived and wanted to get revenge on me. CLUE NUMBER ONE: Motive. This person had a vendetta against me, as further evidenced by the items stolen. My Zippo lighter I got the night of my High School Formal. My limited edition CK Summer, 2004 LIME flavour! God dammit! CK Summer hasn't smelt the same since (thankfully, I discovered True Star by Tommy Hilfiger!) They stole my ten favourite movies! Donnie Darko, Moulin Rouge, Kill Bill, Pirates Of The Caribbean! THEY STOLE MY LAPTOP! With that went years of photos from my 18th, aussie titles of many years, drunken fun photos, porn, and other stuff! MUSIC! God dammit! And they stole my PS2. They were really trying to hit me where it hurt. Needless to say, GIO did their best to replace everything, but insurance companies apparently aren't as effective as ME at getting shit back, so I had to demand cheques and track down all the stuff on my own. So we've established that this sick mo-fo wanted to emotionally cripple me. Then I make another discovery: somebody has maxxed out my credit card constantly ever since I got it! At first I thought this must be the fault of the Commonwealth Bank, but then when I got another Credit Card it happened again! The plot thickens! Some phantom is spiriting away my credit! I sat in thought, wearing my shiny new Von Zipper sunnies and kicking off my gorgeous new Havaiana world cup thongs, whilst in the background played Batman, which I had just purchased at JB with Mitch and Damo. Then it dawned on me. The person responsible... Melissa Doyle. That's right, that bitch who sits beside David "Kochie" Koch on Sunrise! It all made sense now! That whore has had a vendetta against me for as long as I can remember, and here was her way of attacking me! It wasn't bad enough that she smugly mouthed insults that cut to my soul over the airwaves, it wasn't enough that she made slanderous remarks about me under her breath for all of Sydney to hear. No, she had to come to my house, that bloody wench, and she had to steal my shit and then go out and by herself some more ugly suits for her sickening wardrobe. Melissa Doyle. What a fucking bitch. I have never met a more scummy, festering, odious turd in my life. If Melissa Doyle, Saddam Hussein and Myself were the last three people on the earth, and I had to choose who would more likely provide better offspring for the continued existence of the human race, I'd give Saddam a crack. He'd be a better root anyway. Melissa Doyle is a slut. And I'm sick of how she keeps trying to grow testicles on air. It's vulgar. She needs to piss off and get a job more fitting her vile personality, like cleaning shit off the walls of public toilets! Worse still, I share a birthday with this satanic beast. I feel dirty just sharing the same starsign, let alone the actual DAY! So yes, watch your back Melissa, I'll be coming with my syringe full of abortion, and you can kiss you're next wave of spawn goodbye! Mole. Peace out! Love Patdogs xo (Comment on this)
Friday, July 28th, 2006
10:50 pm	PSYCH! OH MY GOD!!! I'm studying psychology!! I didn't even need to ask permission, Macquarie just automatically let me!! This is great! It'll make the transfer to Newcastle just that extra little bit easier!! Meanwhile, I'm rolling in a big puddle of happiness! I love life, Uni, my friends, not my work but that's normal, and everything is just gorgeous! Peace out livejournal! Love Patdogs! Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: Nancy Sinatra - These Boots Are Made For Walkin' (Comment on this)
2:05 am	Jack And Jill Variations Jack and Enis went up a hill And named it Brokeback Mountain Jack turned round, his pants pulled down And Enis went fumbling up him. (Comment on this)
1:51 am	Myspace So myspace is being a total cunt and not working properly (what a big fucking surprise there) and deleted my bloody brilliant piece of philosophy! GEEZ! But it's all good now, touch wood, and I shall soon have the ball rolling again. I must say, it's kinda difficult to go both the myspace blog option, and the lj option! I prefer livejournal still though, because it's so old school and simple and lovely! These late nights on myspace, however, are compromising my skin, I swear to god. I've become a total addict! Uum, not much to report, I've been fairly good lately, as per usual, getting over a few emotional problems and just generally getting back to being my happy old self. I finally got to wear my new sunnies today, which was great! Mitchdogs and I went to see a psychic (kind of a flashback to the old hypnotist days, remember that Mitch?), and the dude read my tarot and chakras. I totally adapted both of the readings to fit myself, so it was a good opportunity to be introspective and go "yeah, so this is where i sit". And then the 'dogs and I had a massively interesting discussion about the nature of thoughts and the idea of personality and stuff. Man, we're already becoming little psychologists, and I'm not even at his uni yet! Yet! In a week or so I apply through UAC, and I must remember to get permission from MAcquarie to study psych this semester so we can head in on even ground. And then DRUNK DAYS at Newcastle Uni bar! YEEEEEEOOOOO! So excited about going to Uni! Feels weird! But this time, it's a new Uni and I'll be much more committed, and I'll have a mate there to make life so much easier, keeping each other focused, but allowing us to take that comfort zone with us. Just the way life should be. I feel like quoting Paris Hilton "It doesn't matter where I go with Nicole, when I'm with her I always know I'll have fun." Live it. Anyways, other than that, I pigged out after dinner, sloshed a bit too much red, and now it's two in the morning and i'm bloody tired! Chat to y'all later! Love Patdogs! (for some reason it was bloody hard to get the "g" to come after the "o") Current Mood: bouncy (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 26th, 2006
11:50 pm	It'll Come Back Around. Dear Livejournal, Here I sit, once again, bloody late at night because I am, clearly, nocturnal. And also one of those creatures that stays awake during the day (everything else). I guess it's time for me to sit down and tap out a big one, coz I tend to do that on livejournal more than my most recent discovery, myspace. Myspace is great and all, but livejournal was the original for me! Besides, I have two readers on livejournal, Mitchdogs and Benji, and I'm fairly confident they both read, periodically. So yeah. The past few months have been hectic, but I haven't noticed because the time has just flown by. I've been to Stonewall so many times now! The a-team seems to have disbanded a little bit since this crazy incident where we all nearly got arrested or whatever, and were saved at the last moment by a chemically astute Mitchdogs, who's dramatic "Pat, get out now!" will haunt me forever. We haven't been back since, and I'm starting to miss the place. However, we continued our habit of having a good weekend out every fortnight, this time though it wasn't the a-team, it was Myself, Mitch, Adam, and Rick. Oh, and some drunk bitch for a few minutes. She was cool. Then Adam bailed, having confessed to being both bisexual, and having copped head from a man. And Rick...tried, once again, to make me feel something for him, but it's never going to happen. Maybe once, a long time ago, but not now. I can actually remember a time, believe it or not, when I was considering dating Rick! Imagine how different my life might have turned out had that happened. I prefer things this way. I'm making major changes in my life in the fields of uni and work. I can feel the return to direction happening, something that I've lacked for nearly two years now. I'm going to get a full-time job, but perhaps best of all: I'm going to study psychology at Newcastle Uni. HUGE change, but I think it's necessary. This year has involved shaking up EVERYTHING about my old life, and I think it's necessary to get me back on track. The old stuff wasn't working anymore (studying teaching, working at bilo, being straight), so it's time to fix it. I'm bloody excited about the future, and what lies around the corner. Once again, there is always a defining theme in every year of your life, and this year it's uplifting, and it's change, and it's growing as a person, and meeting new people, and all about the rich experience I'm going to gain. Bring it on! Love Patdogs. P.S. I haven't given Nicole Richie enough attention of late, so I shall make a point of becoming a heroin addict or being hungover more often. Current Mood: cheerful (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, July 21st, 2006
10:01 pm	Tea and Biscuits! Hey hey Livejournal! Just putting up a BIG HAPPY POST because I am one Happy little vegemite (I hate vegemite, PROMITE ALL THE WAY!!!). I haven't posted anything in donkeys, so I thought it was about time to do so! Life is great-ish. OBviously some parental issues are kind of sucky, but that's quite easily compartmentalised and ignored. Meanwhile, I crave Yummy Noodle Box almost as much as I crave a night in Sydney with my wonderful wonderful A-Team!! God dammit. This shall be the first fortnight in ages where we miss my beloved stonewall! Blast! But Ja'mie is having her house-warming, and Annie is having her...random birthday pissup, so that's awesome. And I'm really pulling uni together properly, knuckling down! And the best bit is I have someone to push me through uni, and I'm going to push him back! Funky Monkey! Catcha later alligator! Love PAttycakes Current Mood: bouncy (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, July 3rd, 2006
4:14 pm	Rotting My Brain, Once Again! See my clever subject line? Because it's a line from the song "Happiness" by Regurgitator, because that sums up all that i am feeling right now! Journdogs, i've had to deal with some crazy crazy stuff this week, but I'm still doing great! I had one hiccup of a month, this last one, with the fever and some legal mumbo jumbo and just generally being a little sook because apparently i'm not invincible and i do occasionally get sick. But despite that, i'm so bloody happy right now! Tax return comes soon, and i claim an extra coupla hun to use on a night out or two (and some swanky new sunnies!). Anyway, i'm really really gay, and that's awesome! lol! Lovin life, catcha round homies! Love Patdogs xo Current Mood: happy (Comment on this)
Friday, June 23rd, 2006
9:19 pm	The A-team is hitting the city, again! I can't wait. This is going to be such an awesome night, just like my favourite night at stonewall was my favourite night EVER. I reckon this should come close to capping that. We're going to dance the night away, and i cleverly moved my shift on sunday so i don't intend to stop for a very long time. Get ready A-team. I mean, Rick and Chris will do their thing, and that's great. And I know Damo will be keen to stay awake for ages too, and so will Connor, and whoever Damo happens to pick up. And Mitchdogs, my favourite Mitchdogs, who dances like a GOD, will be off-chops at work, and i intend to keep him awake AFTER work for some all-day-long partying. I'm so serious. And it will just mean collapsing and dying sometime LATE in the afternoon. What a way to go! Not with a whisper that penetrates the soul of all men, but a BANG that just hurts their fucking ear drums! Get ready people, i don't intend to sleep for WELL over 24 hours. Because I rid myself of the glandular plague, and now I'm ready to go crazy! Peace. Patdogs Current Mood: excited (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
9:13 pm	Happy again. So i've been worried sick about something that was a load of crap. Naturally. All my problems seem to stem from me completely getting something by the balls, and thinking worst case scenario. Bloody hell. I haven't stopped beaming all afternoon, and i'm a happy little camper once again. I'm pretty excited, the A-team is headed out to sydney again this weekend. I'm a little scared, coz i should probably watch what i...take, given the whole glandular fever thing, but i feel really good and healthy! I'm just paranoid i'll turn all red and rash covered again if i do. But that was the antibiotics, so i shall assume that i'm ok to do whatever. Am going to go and research EVERYTHING to do with ecstasy and glandular fever and antibiotics RIGHT NOW. goddammit i'm going to have such an awesome weekend! Will feel like shit at work, but hey, you get that. I'm happy again! Love Patdogs. Peace. Current Mood: relieved Current Music: Goldfrapp - Satin Chic (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
3:34 pm	That Philosophical Entry I Said I'd Do... (AKA, an insight into Pat's dark year) Time to talk about grand things, because i promised i would in my very first live journal entry. So yeah, please forgive me, few readers, for geeking out. Fyi, my last entry is pretty dark, and i'm not feeling AS bad at the moment, because i have a feeling, deep inside, that things should work out. Which is a partial lie, i mean i'm not a hundred percent confident and it would be silly to say that i don't have bad feeling inside that things are going to turn out completely shit, but that's just part and parcel with being human and being crushed. When i look at things cleanly and clearly, i think everything will be ok. Actually, i always try to keep that in mind "You're going to be ok". And yeah, i need to remember that at this moment. Let's talk about fate. Everything happens for a reason, and i really do think things happen, people come into your life and blow out of it again, for a reason. You don't meet people by accident, there is some design at work. You meet people, and there is something subliminal at play. My former best-friend, turned mortal enemy, turned acquaintance that i say hi to whenever i run into him, Cameron, came into my life for a reason. I can see that. Despite all the bitterness in the implosion of our friendship, i was meant to learn something from Cam. During our friendship, i learned how to go out, how to enjoy myself. I became a really independent person, i was a much stronger personality and i also became a lot more opinionated about the way people were supposed to be in relationships (friendship is more important than any relationship, people aren't meant to be monogamous, sluttiness is an admirable quality). Cam and i were awesome friends, did everything together, hung out all the time, and our senses of humour were so in tune. And we thought identically and had the same flaws and vulnerabilities (albeit mine were 50 times more magnified than his, and also he wasn't as incapable of trust as i was). Anyway, i trusted Cam with so much, i told him so much more than i told anybody else. And i got burned. Badly. My betrayal by Cam, and yeah, i'll admit that i had something to do with the collapse of our friendship, made me extrememly angry, and not a day would go by that I wouldn't think about how much i hated him. Then it became a week. Then a fortnight, and eventually i would maybe dwell on my distaste for this critter once a month. And then after a few months (our friendship ended once and for all in...november? I mean, it was screwed from september on, but the final straw was mid to late november) I was over it completely. Maybe...round march? So we'll say it took a cool four months for the cycle to be complete, and for me to look back philosophically on this period and figure out what i ACTUALLY gained. See, i DO think Cam made me a better person. Nicer. Coz he and i became friends after my business with Joey failed and that whole ordeal, and i had become a really twisted, single-minded, boring person. I was incapable of the creativity and lateral thought that got me to where i was. And also, Joey was the reason i am now in so much debt. Cam made me weird again. I started thinking silly again, i was happy, and i became a much more open person. And then i made the fatal mistake of trusting the bastard. He would criticise me for being unable to trust people. He'd tell me how silly it was to think that i was being manipulated, to think that people would turn around and stab me in the back if it suited them. He said i watched Alias too much. As it turns out, i was right. People aren't to be trusted. Ever since i first learned to rely only on myself, to trust myself, and to reserve my trust of others to a very, VERY limited few (there is only one person in the world i trust absolutely, and one that i have some trust for, but only because she lives so far away and is so distant from my other friends), I've been careful to avoid falling into the trap. Cam reinforced that, and i'm glad he did. He also made it slightly easier for me to control hard-core emotional grief, i think. I mean, i can usually switch off emotions when i need to (except some new ones, that are fucking impossible to control). That's fate at work. I got a job at bilo, which led to me meeting Joe, who led to me meeting Cam, who led to these changes, and perhaps further untold ripples, that only time shall tell. These changes happened to me for a reason, to make me the person i am, for a reason. Similarly, there asre people who are still in my life after a long time for other reasons. Damo is a means to many ends, and his purpose isn't finished, and along the way we've become friends, and that's an end in itself. But Damo's biggest purpose, methinks, was to lead me to meet Mitch. If not for heading to Krave that night, i wouldn't have met Mitchdogs, who, in such a tiny period of time, has had ten times the impact on my life, and my personality that Cam ever had. I have definitely become a nicer person, i've become a happier person, i've become a LOT gayer a person, but more important than all this crap, Mitch is someone who is an end in himself. Knowing Mitch, being such good friends of Mitch, and whatever more will eventualy happen, is the point of having met him. I'm glad, because here is fate at play, bringing me one of the most important people in my life, and it's so easy to tell that! So that's destiny laid out in a bloody big livejournal entry. Whatever happens, i'm glad i'm where i'm at, and i wouldn't trade anything for my friendship with Mitchdogs, i wouldn't change the things that happen, and i look forward to a long, fun, happy future, in whatever form it may take. Gawd, does it look like i needed to get something out of my system? Now that i've said all that crap, i think i can get on with things for the time being, and i'll be waiting for the next step in my fate, whatever that may be. But for now, i'm acutely aware that i don't need to just go along for the ride, i'm going to take part in it and enjoy myself, and next to me on the rollercoaster at the moment is the 'dogz, so we'll see how we feel after we help each other get past this current bend, climb, and drop. Cheers, Patdogs Current Mood: contemplative (Comment on this)